Eat Well, Move More











{June 16, 2012}   What lurks in the closet

Super sexy summer sandles

I was getting ready to reply to a couple of comments to my last blog post The Ugly Truth…the numbers, when I realized that maybe I should just start another post.

Erin said: “I enjoy wearing cut off shorts and sweatshirts. Will that change when I finally feel good about my body?…”

Beca said: “My goal is to be able to stand up straight and put on those heels collecting dust in my closet!!”

Several years ago, when my weight was edging near 200 pounds and my self-esteem was at an all time low, I was stuck in a rut of dressing to match how I felt about myself.  I felt frumpy, sloppy, ugly, and wanted to hide from the world.  So I dressed myself in boring, uninteresting, and quite frankly ugly attire.  Jeans, t-shirts, sweat pants or pajamas were the daily uniform at home.  Dark colors, nothing that drew attention were the preference.  Not only were these outfits “comfortable”, but they were the only items that I owned that “fit” my body. I felt less self-conscience dressed like this.  No, not really. I felt like I just blended into the background dressed like this, invisible, so no one would see me as I saw myself: Fat and Frumpy.

“Dressing up” was sometimes required of me (to please others).  Dressing up consisted of wearing items that didn’t quite fit me right or didn’t feel good. This made my very uncomfortable in my own skin and very aware of how large I was. I would fidget, fuss, and tug at my clothing throughout whatever event I was attending.  I couldn’t wait to get home and get out of a pair of ill-fitting slacks, a skirt that  rode up and didn’t stay in place, or a blouse that I had to safety-pin to hold to keep from having a costume faux pas.

The thing is, I really wanted to dress nicely, fashionably. I wanted to feel good in beautiful clothing. I wanted to feel beautiful. I kept telling myself that I couldn’t do that until I lost “the weight”.  “The weight” that I wanted to lose back then was a big number and seemed so far away.  My wardrobe consisted of clothes that were either too tight and painfully uncomfortable…and clothes that were way too baggy and unflattering.  Neither helped me embrace ME…my body, myself, who I was inside.

One day, I decided that I deserved to feel better about myself and how I felt when I went out in public. I started to purge my closet of anything that was too big or too small, that didn’t fit right, or that I just didn’t like. I took the time to learn to find clothing that fit. I stopped worrying about the size, the number. I started looking for things that not only were comfortable and fit RIGHT, but were PRETTY and made me smile.  I told myself, “So what if this top is from the plus-size section?” It fit well and looked very nice on me. So what if the jeans I picked out were a size 18 with wide legs? They were much more flattering than the old, stretched out size 14 pants that I kept squeezing myself into. I chose COLOR and looked for shapes that worked with my body.

You see, I had been waiting for my body to change before I learned to appreciate myself.  That was backwards thinking, and it was hindering my ability to reach my goals. When I learned to accept the good things about my body and stop fighting against myself, my attitude changed. Having a positive attitude changed my outlook when it came to eating better and exercising. And wouldn’t you know it? The weight started coming off a little more, and my body changed in good ways. I rewarded myself with continuing to dress myself a little better.

And with shoes. 🙂  What do I love about shoes?  They are more forgiving in size than clothing.  And they come in so many fun colors & styles.

Like Beca, I have some heels, and some outfits, that lurk in my closet, waiting for me to reach my goals. I can’t wear the 4 and 5 inch heels often. The excess weight (and where it is) affects my balance and my posture as well, making wearing heels difficult. But I do pull them out every once in a while and remind myself that I will wear them again.  But instead of putting those back in the closet and forgetting about them, I pull out the things that I can wear now that make me feel good. Feeling good helps me focus on my goals, not my shortcomings.

Yes, I still have a couple of  “frumpy” outfits lurking in the closet, for those bad days.  The pretty outfits far out number those now.  And of course, there is always the shoes.

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I’m back at that stage now. All the clothes I bought for my “new body” when I slimmed down are too small, and it breaks my heart to look in my closet. All those cute clothes, and nothing to wear! You’re inspiring me, Kassandra. I feel a change comin’ on!



I love this post, Kassandra. It speaks to so many of us, I am sure. Plus, it is something my sister has secretly been hoping I would do for years now. I do have my “type” of clothes that I see myself in when I finally feel good about my body – tattered jeans, long-john (fitted) shirt, with a t-shirt (again – fitted) over it. I feel like *that* is who I am; and YES, I do see them in COLOR! Well, except for the faded out jeans. Perhaps this fall I will dress that way, no matter what.

HOPEFULLY it will be because I am at the weight I want to be; but if not… oh well.

My daughter has horrible self esteem issues. I always tell her to find one part of her body that she loves and focus on that – to really appreciate it. Sounds like I need to take my own advice, and yours.



Kass says:

Exactly! I try to remind myself that everyday, if nothing but to set a better example for my own daughter. I have struggled with body image issues since my mid-teens. Sometimes we have to trick our minds, force the positive to drown out the negative. 🙂



Beca says:

It’s amazing what a positive attitude can do!! 🙂
Still working on mine…



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